this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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