My first STD was from a foam party
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
