I didn't shave. On purpose
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
