im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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