Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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