I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
