I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
