I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize