I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
