Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sext me about skeletons
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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