So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
