I got chris browned last night
You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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