i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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