the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
