Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
