she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize