so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
