Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
