hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
