I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
