I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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