Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
