dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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