Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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