Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
