Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize