But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
