so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
