Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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