is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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