you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize