I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
