He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
