i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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