I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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