i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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