My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize