Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
