Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
