Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
