is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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