Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
