but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
