so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
