Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize