dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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