I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
