Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize