oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
