Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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