At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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