Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
