I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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