billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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