just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Panties = found
Randomize
