lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
