White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
