Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
