Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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