hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
