You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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