So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
