Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
