My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
