so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
