Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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