my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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