She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize