honey bunches of taint.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
