i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The Olympian is in my bed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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