He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
