I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
