Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
