how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
