is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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