I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize