so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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