Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
