what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
