he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
