Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
