marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You ruined the universe
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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