I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
being pregnant is like rehab
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
