I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
