i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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