First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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