I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
