Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
