my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize