it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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