smell my finger.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
