There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize