shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
