Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
