I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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