dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
